Ask Luffy
by Jacovy
Summary: What happens when you board a ship and you meet crazy cook, a little too calm person, a bossy navigator, or a sleepy swordsman, a hysterical doctor, and a bluffing sniper? Just ask the captain, Luffy, be carefree! The storys better. Please R and R Oneshot


What do you do with a crazy cook, a little too calm person, a bossy navigator, or a sleepy swordsman, a hysterical doctor, and a bluffing sniper? Luffy knows-be carefree!

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><p>"AHHHH!" A blonde haired cook fell to his knees on the creaking wooden floor of poor Going Merry. <em>What shall I cook Robin-chan and Nami-chan today? <em>He thought, dreamily, obviously knowing that the orange haired navigator would always reject him-harshly, yet he hasn't said a single thing about it, only praising her.

"Robin-chan, ah Nami-SWANN!" he trailed off of his sentence when the pot started shaking, shrill sounds coming out of the room.

"What are you cooking for us today, Sanji?" A boy with a wide grin popped up in the room. "Fried fish guts? Or maybe Octopus droppings?" he cracked himself up.

"Get out, you shitty head." He grumbled. Luffy was seriously trying to make him mad, although he didn't really think about it- yeah, maybe fish guts and octopus droppings would work- for the lazy dumbasses he referred as 'nakama'.

He hurried to check the pot, and cried out a big scream, worse than the pot's voice. Everything he had cook was burned- because of Luffy.

Oh he was so going to get him.

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><p>Robin lay sitting on a silver lined chair with straight plain lines designs going all the way to the chipped off painted legs of the chair. She sat on a smooth cushy cushion crossing her legs. There lay on her lap was a new novel she was just starting on.<p>

"LUFFY! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Sanji roared as he bust out of the already broken kitchen door.

"Ahhhhhh!" Luffy ran away from the demon eyed blonde.

"Cook-san, you broke the door again." Robin said, not looking up from her book.

"Ahh, hai, Robin-chwan!" he said, lovingly, but then soon snapped out of his admiration and chased Luffy around, with a spatula. Robin sighed, but kept on reading.

"SANJI!" Usopp whined. "You broke the door again, now I have to fix it!" He grumbled. Sanji ignored him, but raised one of his French curled eyebrows at him. His eyes fixed back on Luffy, who was panting.

Robin sighed and went back to her book, aware that the boys were causing a huge ruckus, but didn't care.

"ROBIN! STOP THEM AND STOP READING YOU DUMB BOOK! STOP BEING SO CALM!" The bossy navigator barked.

"Ah, Miss Navigator, why don't you come and stop them yourself? You really want to stop them really bad, right?" Robin asked/said in a calm voice.

"WHY YOU!" Nami said, getting ready to throw one of her famous punches at her, but was stopped by Robin's Hana Hana No Mi. She tickled her until Nami begged her to stop. Robin sighed, and went back to her book.

Gee, how can that girl be so calm?

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><p>"LUFFY STOP RIGHT THERE, BEFORE I BUST OPEN YOUR RUBBER HEAD LIKE LAST TIME!" Yelled Nami.<p>

"HAI!" Luffy paused and stop to sit down, Indian style, believing Nami's threat.

"Ohhhhhhhhh, Nami-swan! You're so magnificent when you're angry!" Swooned the blonde haired cook.

"BE QUIET, YOU ASS WIPE, BEFORE I CHOP THAT THING RIGHT OFF YOU, UNTIL YOU CAN'T HAVE BABIES!" Barked Nami.

"Hai, Nami-swan!" The cook let out a squeak.

"Better." Nami smiled in satisfaction. That is when Chopper went out crying a river.

"CHOPPER! KEEP THAT FLOWING OCEAN AWAY FROM ME, OR ELSE I'LL BREAK YOUR ANTLERS OFF OF YOU!" Nami screamed at the poor reindeer.

"Hai, Nami-san!" Chopper let out, but made him cry even harder.

"Jeez, Chopper, what made you cry so hard?" Nami mumbled.

"USOPP TOLD ME A SAD STORY!" Chopper wept without any manners, his furry feet were wide apart, with his small furry arms whacked to his side, stuck glued.

"USOPP! GET YOUR BUTT HERE AND TELL ME WHAT YOU DID TO POOR CHOPPER!" Nami groaned.

Dang, this is some navigator.

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><p>Zoro lay there, unaware that he was drooling, snoring, and disturbing people. No, more like people disturbing <em>him<em>. He was just having a nice dream about a blonde haired lady, running all around, calling Zoro's name. He had never been this happy in his life! Then he began chasing her, hoping to find a kiss after he caught her.

"ZORO!" He heard a male voice call. Wait, he shook his head. _Male_?

He ignored the voice, trying to catch the girl, only to find her cross legged, sitting in a chair, reading. _I caught you! _He thought, happily. He leaned and tried to kiss the girl, only to kiss the corner of her mouth when he got held back. He shook his head, and opened his eyes, blurred.

"ZORO! YOU SHITTYHEAD! WHAT WERE YOU TRYING TO DO WITH ROBIN-CHWAN!"A male voice backed, again.

He shook his head and saw Robin, hiding her face, while he was close to her. Wait, _close to her_?

He saw that he was leaned against her, trying to kiss her.

He backed away, in humiliation. He blushed, while Robin smirked. He actually kinda kissed her! Oh brother.

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><p>"WAAAAAAA!" Chopper widened his eyes as a experiment exploded in front of him. "SUGEI!" Chopper jumped up and down, excitedly.<p>

"USOPP! USOPP! USOPP! Try this, my new medicine!" Chopper said, next to Usopp, who was clutching his stomach.

"Ughhhh." Usopp moaned. He didn't let Chopper explain, and then turned gree, purple, red, and finally, white. His cheeks grew wide and he fainted. He woke up, to find he was a bit smaller then Chopper!

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Chopper wailed and he hugged Usopp.

"GOMENOSAI! I TURNED YOU INTO A DOG! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Chopper wailed.

"Ruff, ruff?" Usopp asked.

"Ruff? Usopp don't kid with me." Chopper widened his eyes and began to wail again.

He rushed into his office and started to build something, when Luffy popped in.

"Oi, you know, I heard some barking down stairs, wanna go check it out with me?" Luffy grinned as wide as he could. "Could be some meat!" Luffy smiled.

"N-nnno! I'll go later!" Chopper said, franticly.

"If you say so." Luffy said backing away slowly.

Chopper quickly finished his experiment and fed it to Usopp.

"Phew." Chopper said, wiping the sweat away.

"Phew." Usopp agreed.

* * *

><p>"And then, I went to the some bar, and I fought pirates that were as strong as White Beard, but of course they were no match for me." Usopp grinned.<p>

"SUGEI!" Chopper said, admiring Usopp.

"Yup." Usopp grinned.

Just then, a ship boarded. On the flag it said 'CAPTAIN BLONDIES!' (I just made that name up XD). The most legendary crew ever.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Nami screamed. Everybody was running around franticly.

Usopp stood outside, with trembling hands. "I WANT YOUR TRESURES!" The Captain Blondie said.

Usopp stood there. "Um, w-well. W-we h-have no t-t-treasures." Usopp said, in a shaky voice.

"Oh well, okay." The Captain Blondie turned away and flew back to his ship.

"WOW! SUGEI, USOPP YOU SCREAD THEM AWAY!" Chopper said, excitedly.

"Um, yeah. I AM CATAIN USOPP!" he grinned.

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><p><strong>Well that's it. No more. It's a one shot. Please read and review! This was hard work for my pinky! Please read and review! :D<strong>

**~Jazzi~**


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